The morning of the 29th of June 2018, as I drove to work I pulled by the roadside, and there wasn't anything wrong with my car at all. I had been listening to "I look to you" being sung by R Kelly at Whitney 's funeral. I had heard the song before but this time around it drilled deeper, causing me to reflect on my life journey.

I recalled all the adversities that one had undergone and thought to myself, maybe this is perhaps the best time to look back and appreciate. Appreciate that the Superior Powers took care of me; gave me strength when I left my mom in bed lying there sick with a plate of food by her side covered in a net only to find the food untouched when I came back from school in the evening; when I had to walk my young brother to school almost to his class to protect him from the bullies; when I had no food to school and the little we had, making sure it went to him as he was young and perhaps would need them more. I also recalled how the world seemed a bit dry from the inside with every family member being absent, including my dad who would show up one evening per month and leave the following morning in the dark hours. Maybe that is why I have such undying love for my daughters, I am not sure how my mom and young brother felt about this, but it pierced to the core of my heart for me, that I would want to hold him back and ask of him to stay some more, the world wasn't an easy place, and we needed him.

Through it all, the Lord was watching and taking care of us.

Going to varsity was lovely, my mom had recovered from her illness, and my dad was more present in our lives. There weren’t much funds, but I managed to survive on R273 per month, which was the change that was left after paying my R727 rent, but the growing home warmth kept me going. I got a bursary, informed my parents, they celebrated with me and then off they went. 30th August 2005 was my dad, 24th of February 2006 was my mom both saying their unexpected goodbyes as if they were waiting on the news of possible life sustenance of their boys in their absence. I mean how could they, we only had them, literally just them since they were both foreigners in South Africa.

At this point, one had more than enough excuses to tap-out and declare failure in life and start feeling sorry for themselves. I looked at Thato and promised that everything would be ok. Unfortunately, the world doesn't give any worthy incentives for such tragedies. The worst that got me in tears was when Thato got diagnosed with TB, what had taken my mom away, I just couldn’t handle any more loss.

It’s been almost two years over a decade now, and as I look back, I am reflecting on the survival and then eventually the winning tactics that one applied. I think that someone out there needs them more than I do now since I have mastered them. I am a Mining Engineer with a bachelor’s and a Postgraduate degree in Mining, most recent qualification being the Master’s in Business Administration (MBA) from the No.1 Business school in Africa, Harvard affiliated. My career has been amazing to date, and I have found myself in amazing places being part of the key decision makers and being responsible for part of the organisation future.

I remember making someone proof-read my life history for my Human Behaviour assignment and they were in tears during and after they read it. I had to comfort them, but I just couldn’t afford even a slightest chance to join them in "their" crying because I could only focus on the destination, self-pity wasn’t definitely going to get me there. I remember experiencing difficulties in my career with people who are just there to make life difficult, they are necessary by the way. I would look at them straight in the eyes as if I will say something profound...I would instead say it to myself, "You aren't part of the future I desire, I therefore won't allow you to stand on my way, and you definitely aren't good enough to make me quit"... the actions that followed said that better than I could have put it in words.

I remember when I was young how my mother would emphasize the importance of never putting my guts down no matter the situation, I should fight until the battle is literally over without question. What she however never taught me is recognising when it is over and how to celebrate the victory. Instead it seemed as if life is a never-ending battle, I suppose that was the case at the time or rather she never made it to the end of the battle.

The roadside parking of the car this morning was when I realised that I had achieved a couple of milestones, with many still to go, but yet I felt that maybe this time I can look back and weep on all those experiences since they were worthy of my tears, besides I had denied myself my human rights for too long, that is to cry when in pain. I looked where I came from and where I was heading. I looked at my wallpapers on my phones, and I had a beautiful, smart, well accomplished and a future star wife, I had two beautiful, intelligent daughters, I had Thato all grown up, I had…. the list is endless… but I knew the time to weep was now as I celebrate these milestones. I closed my eyes and thanked God and said this... “I look to you”.

In the past and it took a community to raise a child, I am that child, and I thank all those who brought-up this child. I have had my near-death experiences, and the only rationale I could make out of the “too-many-second-chances” was that God didn’t want me until my purpose is served.

Now the intention is for the child to give back to this community and beyond. Helping people in giving themselves permission to dream and achieve those dreams amidst all their adversities is my mission.

Allow me to awaken the giant in you.

Regards

Bokang Kelepa